Category Archives: internet

10 Reasons Not to Follow Me on Twitter

You see a lot of people begging you to follow them on Twitter, so they can get a bigger Follower list. You shouldn’t follow me. Not at all. I can hardly keep up with the Followers i have. I probably won’t follow you back, so don’t do it.

In fact, i bet i can think of ten more reasons why you shouldn’t follow me.

1. I’m not always on a lot every day, but i make up for absences with  a high typing speed. If you’re not following many people, you’ll get a wall of me. “Many” in this case means less than about three hundred very chatty people.

2. I’ll follow you back, then decide oops, you’re not for me after all, and unfollow. Unless you happen to try to Direct Message me (to send a DM, the other person has to be following you back) or use a program like Twitter Karma to show you who’s unfollowed you, you’ll never notice.

3. Sometimes i divest myself of followers in drug-induced frenzies housekeeping binges, by Blocking then Unblocking. This makes them unfollow me too, which i figure is fairer than just unfollowing, as i don’t really want you to follow me on Twitter. Once i did it to about 500 people, so don’t feel special don’t get paranoid.

4. I talk about my writing. A lot. Everyone on my twitter list gets to know the #amwriting hashtag, because i tweet to it usually a couple of times a day. (It’s a writers’ group on Twitter founded by @johannaharness, who’s a very nice person to follow, to find out more, click on link – opens in new window.)

5. I rant. Pretty much all the time. I shout about religion, feminism, humanism, politics, bigotry, getting older, um…  sorry ,what was i saying? Politically, I’m an anarchist monarchist, which means lots of shouting. I get to be queen, and you can do what you like. Unless i’m right there, and bossing you round, but i can’t do that to many people at a time. Not without a sound system.

6. I don’t get jokes, or sarcasm. Call it being blonde, autistic, whatever. Sometimes i do, but i fluff it reasonably often.

7. I’m vain and want you to pay attention to me. At the same time, just when you’re sure i’m the shallowest person on the planet, i’ll disconcertingly pay microscopic attention to you. Usually when you’re being light and flippant.  (See also .6)

8. I am evil, and regular readers will know i’m the ad hoc Antichrist. I have to fill in, seeing the real Antichrist met with an unfortunate accident and is in a coma. *Hides cosh behind back.* It’s nearly time for the Rapture. (see below)

9. Did i mention my book? I call it The Thing, but that’s because it’s a shorter title than than the real one. and i need a short version so i can earbash you about it on Twitter. (Twitter only allows 140 characters.) Not about buying it, that joy is still to come. You get to ride the creative process. Or me wasting time on Twitter when I should be writing. This is actually The Thing Mark II.

10. I’ve already forgotten why i’m doing this. (See 1.) (NOTE: that doesn’t make sense, because 1. was edited, and no longer includes the bit about how dizzy i am… *sighs*)

Despite the above advice, if you want to see what i’m shouting about now, to follow me on Twitter, (remembering that when the Rapture comes, you’ll be one of the ones that God’s Giant Faulty Vacuum Cleaner leaves behind), or perhaps if you’d like to block me in a pre-emptive act of self-defence to save your immortal soul…

it’s ~ @stinginthetail ~

© https://stinginthetail.wordpress.com/


I Killed The Thing…

Well, not killed it, so much as moved to a new version. I spent several days at Easter staring at the first page, wondering why i hated it so much. (The Thing is my work-in-fitful-progress.)

I loved it when i mapped out the plot and began, i still liked the plot, but six months later, it felt like i was trying to re-animate a corpse. Was this one of those times when i’d feel better about it, if i just put The Thing away for a few days (or a week, or a month, or six months)? Or was it honestly crap?

Then it came to me. I hated the main character. Detested him. He wasn’t easy to write, (everyone else i could relate to, but not him). I didn’t get what motivated him, in fact, very little did. I never made it inside his head. Despite killing several of his family and friends, he never showed any real emotion. I gave him kinky sex, made him think he was gay, but nothing made any impact.

Six months into The Thing, i had to make a decision. So that’s what i did over Easter. Then, i decided that the basic plot was fine, it was HIM. Somehow, he’d turned into a ponce. Gay, even effeminate i could deal with. Cross dressing, yep, no worries. But he was a boring little fart. I tried killing his father, crippling his mother, abandoning him, making him king too young, but nothing had any impact.

So, there was only one thing to do. It was Easter Sunday. I started again. I now have a new Thing. Son of Thing. Zombie Thing. Thing Mark II. It’s great. I’m enjoying it, he’s a real boy! The plot’s the same, so it’s easy, there’s bits of the old one i can reuse. Well, so far, one bit, a one-line joke from a character.

****

That’s where i’m at. Hope you’re well. Along with my trials with The Thing and its Children, I’ve had the most traumatic severance from my Twitter fix, after Mr Whatsit went mad looking at camping videos online.

Yeah, i know, most people blow their downloads on porn. He’s weird. The main culprit was the Teardrop Camper, a tiny caravan. (This pic’s on the Aussie site for them – click pic for a look.)

Cute as, but Mr Whatsit watching the “How To Build Your Teardrop” vids on YouTube gave us a highest web traffic day EVER. We recently raised our download speed, with the resultant ability to watch vids we can’t afford to download.

Oh LOLZ, phone company, we didn’t see that coming. And the next upgrade costs $20 a month, of course. Just out of reach. I nearly strangled Mr for going over the limit. Without Twitter, being plugged into the news, and being able to look at cute pics, what would my life be?

God, that’s sad, eh? Seriously. I thought so, so tried out the old ‘cold kitteh’ cure. To my surprise, i didn’t die with no baby animals to look at. I did manage 7,000 words on The New Thing. Then the end of the billing month came. I could look at baby animals again.

Did i show you this already? Best baby hippo pic so far.

Squee! indeed.
Pic from the Daily Squee, click to visit.

Unless cute freaks you out.
But it’s not that bad, it’s not Hello Kitty kind of cute.

****

Meanwhile, i think a large part of The Thing’s problems are due to point of view. Telling the story from the viewpoint of a friend of the original person will make it even better.

Yes, it’s now “Friend of Thing“.

© https://stinginthetail.wordpress.com


It’s not you, it’s me…

This post can be subtitled – Why I Unfollowed You on Twitter.

Over the weekend, I did something amazing to my Twitter account. In the last post, we were publicising the competition to win a prize – an art catalogue pictured here on this blog, a guest post from Christopher L. Jorgensen (@jackassletters on Twitter) . The competition (open until 3rd March 2010) can be entered at his guest post on the Tweet Fail blog, The Secret to Fewer Followers. (NOW DRAWN – for details of Christopher’s adventure, see the previous post. Winner was @Fifikins!)

The post inspired me, and i decided to bite the bullet. I’ve always been strict about spammers in my nearly a year on Twitter – i use the Block & Report button a lot. I realised early on, that I don’t care how big my follower list is. As i’ve mentioned before in “So, how big is your virtual penis?” I’d rather have people i like and enjoy around me.

  • There were 850 people following me.
  • I had 550 i was following
  • About 20 of those weren’t following me back.
  • I was Listed by about 115 people.

So, i ran through the methods Christopher lists in his post, and loaded up Twitter Karma.

  • I began by Defollowing everyone who wasn’t still tweeting – in the last two months or so. That is, I blocked the person, then refreshed the page, then unblocked. (Twitter doesn’t give any other options.) This forced them to unfollow me. It seemed fairer to Defollow, than to simply Unfollow and leave them following me. After all, they can always follow me again if they want to, and i didn’t want people to think i was trying to rort my follower numbers. Most people don’t check their followers, so don’t know who’s unfollowed them. (It’s one of the functions that Twitter Karma has. See who is following you back.)
  • If anyone had turned spammy I blocked and reported – the more spammers are reported, the less of them will be causing Twitter to crash by overloading it with ads about raising the numbers of your Twitter Followers.
  • If i couldn’t figure out who they were, weren’t really into their conversations, and we didn’t seem to have even any Twitter buds in common (that they were talking to on first few pages), i Defollowed.
  • I looked at 100’s of profiles in the end, and anyone i didn’t recognise as someone i interact with, (or someone i follow and adore, but don’t interact with often) i Defollowed.
  • I also Defollowed some #amwriting people who i don’t personally chat to, as i can always follow their writing tweets on the #amwriting hashtag and they can read mine.

#amwriting was founded by @johannaharness
a wonderfully inspiring and supportive writers’ group on Twitter
it asks the question ~ what are you writing?
To find out more go here.

  • Then there were the people i’d spoken to and they’d not really ever spoken back, which isn’t much fun after the first couple of times. I mean, why would you want someone to follow you, but not be prepared to speak to them? (These were not people who had lots of replies, i checked.)

At four in the morning, also known as stupid o’clock, i finished, down to around 400, most of whom were ‘mutual friends’, with less than 10 one-way follows. There, i thought, staggering off to bed. That’s so much more manageable.

In the morning… – well, after lunch – i went back, and loaded up Twitter Karma again. (You can see all your followers on one page, makes it easy to see.) Now i’m down to 345 people. Wow, i can see my friends again! I hadn’t realised how cluttered it was.

After a few days, I’ve shed a few more people, (easier to notice who didn’t seem friendly) and added a couple. None of the new ones i’m not following back have spoken to me. No point in adding them but they’re welcome to follow. So far, they’re not spammers – i’ve blocked and reported maybe 50 of those. I’ve also Defollowed several who obviously only added me because of a keyword and didn’t seem to be engaging much with followers. Like the Newcastle radio station who ignored my tweet that said i couldn’t get their station from here.

I’ve also discovered ManageTwitter, which does multi-unfollows – thanks to @Tarale . It wouldn’t have helped me, as i wanted them to stop following me too, but it would have been handy.

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In other news: The Thing (my work in fitful progress) proceeds – i had to lose 30,000 words. Not because i had too many, but because those ones were suddenly irrelevant. So i’m down from about 95k to about 65k. (My target is 110k so it was a hard cut to make.) I’m pleased with how it’s going, the plot tightened up so much with that 30k gone.

There was a scene where his mother fell off a tower, and the hero fell too, but the plot required her to be crippled and him to survive, but i couldn’t make it work until i realised – silly me – it was the half-brother what done it! I’d been trying to hammer the scene out, unable to figure it, and suddenly it dropped into place – like people falling off a tower. And 30k of it just didn’t work any more, because it was all trying to fit the scene in without it making sense. I keep learning so much as i go.

**************

What else? Feck knows, i’m not paying attention, i’m trying to focus on The Thing. Whilst procrastinating, I have updated my bio on here – it was previously only about 60 words, now it’s 600 – the tab above with All About Me on it.

There is bad stuff happening all over, especially with the Puritans pushing for net censorship. I get irate on Twitter about it. And i look at kittehz, make jokes, swap food porn, pine for a larger garden, tease Generations X & Y, and send tweets to the Prime Minister that he never acknowledges.

Follow me there if you want to know what i’m ranting about today.
Or for a laugh.

I can’t promise i’ll follow you back.

**************

© https://stinginthetail.wordpress.com


List me, baby, make me squeal….

I have never more truly understood the concept of “it’s not the heat, it’s the humidity.” Not until i moved to New South Wales. People round the world think Sydney is some sun-drenched paradise.

Oh puh-leeze, summer here is about as comfortable as Newark – yes, 90% humidity and 39+° C (100+° F). Then the weather breaks, it plummets to 20° (62°F) and we’re all shivering, except the bloody humidity is still so high you feel underwater.

It also gets hotter after the sun goes down. Demented place. My plans for The Invasion of Queensland ‘09 ’10 ™ have been set back a bit, thanks to an emergency trip there by Mr Whatsit that meant using every cent of our savings and borrowing, so now every week i’m $50 down.

One of his family faked her own death, then recovered – okay okay, so she had a kidney removed and everyone thought she was going to die. It still fucked my budget up.

Meanwhile, it’s the end of January, and i’ve had to get extensions on the phone and electricity bills, and am paying them off. *sighs* At this rate, i’m going to have to hitch-hike to the bloody border. (It’s about 1000k, 800 miles.)

Rather than bitch about the weather and money, though i could go on for another thousand words without breaking a sweat, (in real life, i’m sliding off my towel) I thought i would explain my lists a bit.

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Lists on Twitter are a great way of keeping your followers in some kind of order without resorting to cattle-prods. It also gives other people a chance to look at who you’re following, talking to, and to see if they’re an interesting bunch. Some people even follow whole lists of mine, which is flattering.

I enjoy lists, they’re a good way to find new people to follow, though some people don’t seem to take much care over lists, as you spot spammers posting ‘make $ on twitter’ or ‘monetize your twitter.”

You do all know this is what they used to call a pyramid scheme? You buy their software, (which is a pile of rubbish, as Twitter is all about who follows you, not who you follow), they make money, you don’t. Instead, you get blocked and reported on Twitter.

****

So, Lists  – what do i have?

Most recent is the Conversation list which is “A dynamic list rebuilt daily of the people you are talking to and about. ” It’s not one i collate, it’s done automatically, you too can have one if you go here. It updates every day, but is about 12-24 hours behind. So it’s more like “who i was talking to yesterday”.

There are currently “Following: 25 Followers: 2” – which means there are 25 people listed because i’ve been chatting to them or about them, and another 2 people are following my list to see who i talk to. I hope it’s for entertainment, not for stalking purposes.

I checked (paranoid, me?) the followers on that list (listed on right of page when on web) are @loveunrg from New Zealand, and @thepainterflynn who’s in Dublin – both lovely people i’m often chatting to.

****

Then there are my lists i made:

  • blogs People whose blogs are worth a visit
  • stopaussienetfilter Australian Government is bringing in Net Filter over All Australia – banning nipples – help stop it
  • food Cooking, Eating out, Foodies, Enthusiasts, Whole Food, No Genetically Engineered Food Campaigners
  • interestingtweeps no matter what you’re into, these people are ones that make good tweeple to follow
  • shopping If i had any money, i’d buy their stuff or use their services
  • centralcoastnsw Central Coast, New South Wales, Australia – some Aussie-wide tweeps
  • gardening Gardeners, Sustainability, Growing Food
  • music Musicians, singers, songwriters
  • arts-and-design computer art, painting & fine art, architecture, crafts, also comics (not writing)
  • geekish Geeks of all kinds, from the extreme to the subtle – my private collection
  • newsmedia Journalists, News outlets, the Media (not social media)
  • forlaughs Funny people & feeds – possibly NSFW, (not safe for work)
  • writingpublishing Writers, agents, publishers, feeds about these things (not bloggers)

****

i think my notes on them mean they are self-explanatory. If i unfollow someone, i also remove from any lists – as it’s not automatic. If someone is listing you, and you don’t want them to list you, you can block or block and report. I have 107 listing me – (this goes up and down a lot, as more people get the Conversationlist going) i also go through those (not the Conversationlist, that’s just who i’m talking to or RTing), and block any spammers, or people who aren’t following me (if you don’t follow me, you don’t get to list me).

Also, i list people on more than one list – some people are on four – i think 200 is the upper limit for numbers you can have in one list, but i haven’t hit there yet.

So, you want a list? Look on the right hand side of your Twitter page on the web. Past the top, where it tells you who lists you, go down, past the Search line – see Lists? Before Trending Topics. Just click on New List, and off you go. Make a list, then look through your Following list (not much use Listing people you don’t follow back), and start adding them. As you go, you’re bound to find new subjects you could put as lists. Some people just divide theirs into people they chat to, and have “Chatters1” “Chatters2” and so on.

****

I am in some strange lists. These are some i’m listed in, (not necessarily strange!) of my favourite Twitterers.

****

The above isn’t everyone – basically, if i’m following them – around 460 people at the moment – then it’s because i think they’re good. The further back they are in my Following pages, the longer i’ve been following them – so if they were tricky spammers, i have already blocked and deleted, and you’re safe to follow. Like everyone, I do sometimes make mistakes with following people who turn out to be spammers.

So, no excuses – get off your respective butts and list meh!

****

Widget alert: yes, how many people has lunatic anti-vaccination campaigner Jenny McCarthy’s bullshit killed, maimed, or made ill? I have a new widget, (on the left) that tells you. [EDIT unfortunately, it’s no longer working – but you can click through here and see the totals. At time of writing, it was 501 dead, and 54,907 people ill with preventable diseases – those with polio will never fully recover, and indeed, will get worse as they get older. And how many poor lil kiddehz had autism as a result of inoculations? None. Zero. Nada.]

Around here, we’ve had a whooping cough epidemic, and children have died, because a bunch of celebrity seeking idiots want us to go back to the days (pre-1955) when polio epidemics killed thousands and crippled tens of thousands – every year.

I’m not going to go deeply into it here, you can click the link for more info or to put the widget on your own blog – but despite this woman’s rantings, there is still NO scientific evidence that vaccination causes autism, though she and her fellow self-serving cohorts have been known to make up scientific ‘proof’ – it’s just wishful thinking, looking for a reason for autism, followed by misery when the people who believe them have to nurse or bury a child that catches a preventable disease.

If you’ve ever seen anyone with polio, or living with the life sentence that is the after-effects, (including twisted limbs, and the most agonising pain and muscle wasting), you would never ever think that vaccinations are optional, or worse, that they’re so bad you shouldn’t have them.

© https://stinginthetail.wordpress.com


You want me to stick rhinestones where?

I don’t think this needs much introduction, other than I’m proud to count @Tweet_Fail as a friend, and you may remember i did a guest post for her blog not long ago.

This is her guest post for me.

*****

I used to think my grandmother had some sort of palsy. We’d talk about popular culture, and her head would move from side to side. I now understand what she was doing, because and I’m turning into her a little more every day. Not a day goes by that I’m not shaking my head at the antics of people who make their living being famous.

If you can successfully pretend to be someone else, people throw gobs of money at you. Or, if you’re completely untalented, you can go from being an ordinary girl next door, to one of the Girls Next Door by forgoing such mundane things as morals, standards, and self-esteem.

The ridiculous, shocking, and strange has become the norm, as many people become famous by debasing themselves on reality tv. In the end, we will all have our 15 minutes of fame, because it’s much cheaper to film ordinary people doing ordinary things than to have writers waste their precious time on such silly things as character development, and plot.

Things that have left me contemplating the state of the world lately:

  • Heidi Montag (from The Hills), during an interview following her 10 Plastic Surgery Procedures in One Day, who said, “I want girls to understand that beauty comes from within.” She’s right. In her case, beauty isn’t skin deep. It’s actually just as deep as the surgeon’s knife.
  • Snookie, from the reality show “The Jersey Shore” who is now renting herself out for parties. One has to wonder, “As what?” It seems to me that the type of parties where she would be a welcomed guest already have their share of loose young women and drunks who show up for free.
  • The freak show that is Nadya “Octomom” Suleman. The woman should be in treatment for her addiction to birthing large quantities of children she can plop in front of a tv camera. Or forcefully sterilized. Instead, she gets interviewed everywhere and becomes a media darling.

She’s even on the recent cover of Star magazine, claiming her new bikini body didn’t involve surgery. Right. Shut off the lights and lock her up already. [Star was consistently down, link leads to starcasm.com which shows before and after]

This latest thing that almost made me pass out from extensive eye-rolling:

  • Jennifer Love Hewett’s vagazzling. “It looks like a disco ball.” I have never seen a man look at a disco ball and heard him say, “I want a piece of that.”

Here’s a clue: guys don’t care what it looks like. It can be fuzzy or smooth, vagazzled or plain, perfect or asymmetrical; as long as the welcome sign is up, they’re willing to give it a go.

I do have to wonder what kind of friend feels comfortable saying, “Let’s glue stuff on your cooter. You’ll love it.” I have lots of female friends. The most I’ve ever done is rub suntan lotion on their backs. I can’t imagine in a million years offering to stick things on their genitals. Or, if I got drunk or high enough to propose it, having them happily agree.

Jennifer obviously has much more time on her hands than I do. Husband wouldn’t patiently wait for me to go out after hearing, “just 15 more minutes, honey, this butterfly is almost perfect.” Swarovski crystals is going to have an amazing year, as bored young women follow in her footsteps to decorate their lady parts.

I just checked. The following domains have already been secured by people looking to cash in on what’s certain to be a new fad:

1. Vagazzle.com

2. Vagazzling.com

3. Vagazzler.com

4. Vajj.com

5. Vajayjay.com

6. Vajazzle.com

7. Vajazzling.com

There’s probably another 50 domains that are variations on the theme. At least one of them will be opening shop with kits and instructions. If they’re smart, they’ll run ads in every Ghost Whisperer commercial break and clean up like thieves.

I won’t be vagazzling. But then, I also don’t have ear holes down to my shoulders, or piercings anywhere not visible to the public. When I get my 15 minutes of fame, I’ll be shown in “mom” jeans and sensible shoes.

I’m fine with that.

© @tweet_fail on Twitter – also at the Twitter Fail blog


step back from the hippy…

i’ve been waffling about hippy things, including ecology and sustainability – and Stephen Glanville’s been talking intelligently about it – and how to make it pay in a way that is totally capitalist.

But not here, which is why you didn’t see it. Yes, lazy blog post time. This one’s really just a link to Stephen’s blog.

****

In other news, just had to cut about 12,000 words from The Thing. Don’t expect politeness, i’m cranky as can be. Damn characters promised me they wouldn’t go far off-piste, and they went so far off, we’re not even on the same mountain any more. So no more Ms Nice Guy. Well, of course i’ll be nice to readers. I mean, no more being nice to characters.

I’ve just killed one, to make sure they know i mean it. My main character is still trying to over-compensate for being possibly gay. Silly bugger.

© https://stinginthetail.wordpress.com/


Sometimes you need people…

This is me doing another off-site post – @Sn0tty asked me if i’d write something for a new site. She’s involved in Navigating Cancer – a site for cancer patients and the people around them – she’s currently dealing with two cases in her own family. This is a copy of my post for their site…

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In 2001, i was in London, when i got the call from Australia. Mum had cancer. It was advanced. The docs had told Mum she was in Stage 3 of 4, and she said not to worry, but when i looked it up, it said there was no Stage 4. Just 1, 2, then 3. 3 was terminal. I went home.

That was my first experience of spending time in the cancer wards. Mum’s cancer, a huge mass in her belly, responded so well to chemo treatment she went from terminal to recovering well inside 16 weeks. Suddenly it was in remission. We couldn’t believe it, she couldn’t, and we couldn’t thank the wonderful medical staff enough.

A few months later, my father rang me late at night. Lung cancer. Terminal. He might have five years, if the treatment worked. It didn’t – nine months later, despite similarly wonderful medical staff, despite the awfulness of chemo and radiotherapy, Dad died.

A website like this one is a wonderful resource – until you experience it, you have no idea of the despair and horror cancer brings, along with the strange joys, the black laughter, and the knowledge of who really cares. We had family, friends, and the medical staff, all being incredibly supportive, and it was still the scariest experience. We felt lost, alone, and helpless. And we weren’t even the patients – just the children of them.

The one major thing i took away from the experiences was that other people, often complete strangers you meet in waiting rooms or cancer treatment wards, become your strength.

I wish this site well – anything that can help take some of the load, answer questions, or simply put you in touch with information, and with others going through a similar nightmare, is a truly wonderful resource.

Navigating Cancer


Lo, and i did a guest post…

We’ve mentioned @Tweet_Fail and the Twitter Fail Website before, but this is even more exciting than when I gave Twitter Fail my Kreativ Blogger award…. which was pretty exciting, because i had to win it from @jean_blore to be able to give it away (and it turned out to be Tweet-Fail’s birthday, which we didn’t know!).

However, this time, it’s my first ever guest post on a blog.

I’ve been asked several times to do guest blogs or blog swaps, (and the one person who offered to do a guest blog here, i’ll be onto you shortly). Each time I took a rain cheque, thinking i needed to focus on other things, but i realised it was coming up for about eight months since Tweet_Fail asked me. I do enjoy procrastination, but not that much.

What did i blog about? Well, it’s all about how Guy Kawasaki did not invent that motorbike…. (link opens in new window) – inspired by a tweet Guy Kawasaki sent me the other day.

Most people think GK’s a win at Twitter – i think he’s a real Twitter Fail. Also mentioned are some celebs who Twitter – some who i think fail, and some who don’t.

Enjoy.

© https://stinginthetail.wordpress.com/


The gingerbread rush is over…

Quiet. I am hiding from The Thing. It’s a book I’m writing. It’s called The Thing for a reason. I’ve been working on it for so long – well, in other forms – since 1995. This Thing is like the distillation of The Things That Came Before.

I’ll go back to it in a minute, but i just wanted to rave to someone, and i mustn’t go into Twitter, except to punt this post, of course, as i’ve had my twitterhit… or whatever it’s called, for today.

Not that i’m ruthless, well, not about time. Time is an illusion. Twitter doubly so. Heh – sorry, hippy moment, it will pass, and we’ll be back to me killing things. Or nailing men’s genitalia to the wall. This blog has a Trophy Room.

So far i have Kyle Sanderson, (an Australian celebrity), and God. Well, not them exactly, but i have their genitalia. With God, i only got the scrotum. Does God seem strange to you lately?

A woman needs a hobby, and i don’t have a pony to ride, so this is it. No, not collecting genitals, that’s just an interest. My hobby is my blog. It’s where i have fun. I’m often surprised when people come back at me with some joke that shows they read my blog. Hardly any of them comment. *looks petulant* I’m allegedly scary. Pfft.

Oh, and speaking of me, my blog stats are pitiful. P.I.T.I.F.U.L. – the Christmas gingerbread rush is over. *cries* Most of my hits are still from people searching for gingerbread, but it’s down to only five gingerbread-househunters a day, from the dizzy pre-Baby Jebus heights of fifty a day.

Now people are looking for sex again. And camel toe, that old staple. Everyone should do a post or two on camel toe, it’s brilliant for accidental Google hits. Penectomy doesn’ t hurt either, i mean, it doesn’t hurt your hits.

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In other news: i have a new widget now – a button. *shiny thing moment* Yep, you click on it, put in your email, and an auto-email goes out every time i update. Which won’t be that often. It’s over there, on the left *waves that way*

What? It’s a complete fluke that i’ve done more posts in last couple of weeks than i have in ages. No, no, i’m not going to start blogging more in the New Year. *looks innocent* That would smack of some kind of New Year’s Resolution… and we don’t do those.

Note: okay, so i’m going to try to, but i didn’t decide at New Year.
It was before Christmas.

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I Am The Traffic Cone on Your Highway…

I detect a sense of Christmas obsession in those who accidentally visited this blog in the last week. Now (i think) i know why My House Is Trying To Kill Me (the old post on mould/mold) is getting so much traffic – it’s people looking for gingerbread.

I hope you enjoyed the rant on the stupidity of doctors, the cruelty of real estate agents, the possibly pertinent advice on health, and the pretty gingerbread house pic. At least i cited the pic’s origin, so they wouldn’t waste their time, and meanwhile, decuisine (where pic comes from) is getting a lot of hits from me. ‘Tis the season for giving, right?

I’m the Antichrist, this jolly Christmas bollocks doesn’t come naturally.

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Thought for the Day: Did you take time to muse on the exquisite cruelty of Google, that brings you interesting things to read when you really don’t have time to get distracted by a blog?

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The gingerbread thing is out of control out there…