The next line of that song is something like ‘packing my bags and getting away’ – which i’m actually not, not yet. Moving has been derailed, or perhaps deranged.
I have some health issues which need addressing before i can move, and fortunately am able to take a little time. Life’s actually just getting to the sweet stage again, which it hasn’t been for a while – yes, that is my depression you can see lifting! As Blue Mink put it later in the same song, “a bee bow bow buppa bow bow bow“. Which to me, just means a warbling noise to signify unexpected happiness.
After so long with my own
little fucking huge massive black cloud following me around, it feels good. It’s weird, depression, there’s no reasoning with it. I actually should be depressed – i’ve had to put off moving (having packed about half the house!), will be going into hospital for tests soon (so am in that nasty ‘omigod what do i have???’ stage). Yet i feel as if some massive weight’s been lifted off my shoulders.
I’m completely weed-free, by the way, over 2 years now, which still feels so wrong (and the novelty value of being straight wore off after the first week), but as the depression didn’t pay any attention to how wasted i was, so there was no point in smoking.
At last i have a computer network running at home (after most of 2015 with a dying computer), and a friend gave me an old laptop so am able to work from the couch. I haz also upgraded to Win7 – now this is living! Soon, i will be buying my very first smartphone (I have to, my old phone is about to stop working on the current Oz networks) and joining the 21st Century for realz!
Before then, i will be working on the series of novels known as The Thing – a 3 part story that’s only had 1 part published. I’m not sure what i’m doing with it – i was just editing it for publication asap, but as it’s been so long, i may decide i hate everything and start again. I hope not, as i actually have volumes 2 and 3 finished, bar a quick go-over.
So that’s it, really, where i am – yep, head up my own arse but instead of it being me hiding from the world, now it’s in a good way. Srsly.