List me, baby, make me squeal….

I have never more truly understood the concept of “it’s not the heat, it’s the humidity.” Not until i moved to New South Wales. People round the world think Sydney is some sun-drenched paradise.

Oh puh-leeze, summer here is about as comfortable as Newark – yes, 90% humidity and 39+° C (100+° F). Then the weather breaks, it plummets to 20° (62°F) and we’re all shivering, except the bloody humidity is still so high you feel underwater.

It also gets hotter after the sun goes down. Demented place. My plans for The Invasion of Queensland ‘09 ’10 ™ have been set back a bit, thanks to an emergency trip there by Mr Whatsit that meant using every cent of our savings and borrowing, so now every week i’m $50 down.

One of his family faked her own death, then recovered – okay okay, so she had a kidney removed and everyone thought she was going to die. It still fucked my budget up.

Meanwhile, it’s the end of January, and i’ve had to get extensions on the phone and electricity bills, and am paying them off. *sighs* At this rate, i’m going to have to hitch-hike to the bloody border. (It’s about 1000k, 800 miles.)

Rather than bitch about the weather and money, though i could go on for another thousand words without breaking a sweat, (in real life, i’m sliding off my towel) I thought i would explain my lists a bit.


Lists on Twitter are a great way of keeping your followers in some kind of order without resorting to cattle-prods. It also gives other people a chance to look at who you’re following, talking to, and to see if they’re an interesting bunch. Some people even follow whole lists of mine, which is flattering.

I enjoy lists, they’re a good way to find new people to follow, though some people don’t seem to take much care over lists, as you spot spammers posting ‘make $ on twitter’ or ‘monetize your twitter.”

You do all know this is what they used to call a pyramid scheme? You buy their software, (which is a pile of rubbish, as Twitter is all about who follows you, not who you follow), they make money, you don’t. Instead, you get blocked and reported on Twitter.


So, Lists  – what do i have?

Most recent is the Conversation list which is “A dynamic list rebuilt daily of the people you are talking to and about. ” It’s not one i collate, it’s done automatically, you too can have one if you go here. It updates every day, but is about 12-24 hours behind. So it’s more like “who i was talking to yesterday”.

There are currently “Following: 25 Followers: 2” – which means there are 25 people listed because i’ve been chatting to them or about them, and another 2 people are following my list to see who i talk to. I hope it’s for entertainment, not for stalking purposes.

I checked (paranoid, me?) the followers on that list (listed on right of page when on web) are @loveunrg from New Zealand, and @thepainterflynn who’s in Dublin – both lovely people i’m often chatting to.


Then there are my lists i made:

  • blogs People whose blogs are worth a visit
  • stopaussienetfilter Australian Government is bringing in Net Filter over All Australia – banning nipples – help stop it
  • food Cooking, Eating out, Foodies, Enthusiasts, Whole Food, No Genetically Engineered Food Campaigners
  • interestingtweeps no matter what you’re into, these people are ones that make good tweeple to follow
  • shopping If i had any money, i’d buy their stuff or use their services
  • centralcoastnsw Central Coast, New South Wales, Australia – some Aussie-wide tweeps
  • gardening Gardeners, Sustainability, Growing Food
  • music Musicians, singers, songwriters
  • arts-and-design computer art, painting & fine art, architecture, crafts, also comics (not writing)
  • geekish Geeks of all kinds, from the extreme to the subtle – my private collection
  • newsmedia Journalists, News outlets, the Media (not social media)
  • forlaughs Funny people & feeds – possibly NSFW, (not safe for work)
  • writingpublishing Writers, agents, publishers, feeds about these things (not bloggers)


i think my notes on them mean they are self-explanatory. If i unfollow someone, i also remove from any lists – as it’s not automatic. If someone is listing you, and you don’t want them to list you, you can block or block and report. I have 107 listing me – (this goes up and down a lot, as more people get the Conversationlist going) i also go through those (not the Conversationlist, that’s just who i’m talking to or RTing), and block any spammers, or people who aren’t following me (if you don’t follow me, you don’t get to list me).

Also, i list people on more than one list – some people are on four – i think 200 is the upper limit for numbers you can have in one list, but i haven’t hit there yet.

So, you want a list? Look on the right hand side of your Twitter page on the web. Past the top, where it tells you who lists you, go down, past the Search line – see Lists? Before Trending Topics. Just click on New List, and off you go. Make a list, then look through your Following list (not much use Listing people you don’t follow back), and start adding them. As you go, you’re bound to find new subjects you could put as lists. Some people just divide theirs into people they chat to, and have “Chatters1” “Chatters2” and so on.


I am in some strange lists. These are some i’m listed in, (not necessarily strange!) of my favourite Twitterers.


The above isn’t everyone – basically, if i’m following them – around 460 people at the moment – then it’s because i think they’re good. The further back they are in my Following pages, the longer i’ve been following them – so if they were tricky spammers, i have already blocked and deleted, and you’re safe to follow. Like everyone, I do sometimes make mistakes with following people who turn out to be spammers.

So, no excuses – get off your respective butts and list meh!


Widget alert: yes, how many people has lunatic anti-vaccination campaigner Jenny McCarthy’s bullshit killed, maimed, or made ill? I have a new widget, (on the left) that tells you. [EDIT unfortunately, it’s no longer working – but you can click through here and see the totals. At time of writing, it was 501 dead, and 54,907 people ill with preventable diseases – those with polio will never fully recover, and indeed, will get worse as they get older. And how many poor lil kiddehz had autism as a result of inoculations? None. Zero. Nada.]

Around here, we’ve had a whooping cough epidemic, and children have died, because a bunch of celebrity seeking idiots want us to go back to the days (pre-1955) when polio epidemics killed thousands and crippled tens of thousands – every year.

I’m not going to go deeply into it here, you can click the link for more info or to put the widget on your own blog – but despite this woman’s rantings, there is still NO scientific evidence that vaccination causes autism, though she and her fellow self-serving cohorts have been known to make up scientific ‘proof’ – it’s just wishful thinking, looking for a reason for autism, followed by misery when the people who believe them have to nurse or bury a child that catches a preventable disease.

If you’ve ever seen anyone with polio, or living with the life sentence that is the after-effects, (including twisted limbs, and the most agonising pain and muscle wasting), you would never ever think that vaccinations are optional, or worse, that they’re so bad you shouldn’t have them.


You want me to stick rhinestones where?

I don’t think this needs much introduction, other than I’m proud to count @Tweet_Fail as a friend, and you may remember i did a guest post for her blog not long ago.

This is her guest post for me.


I used to think my grandmother had some sort of palsy. We’d talk about popular culture, and her head would move from side to side. I now understand what she was doing, because and I’m turning into her a little more every day. Not a day goes by that I’m not shaking my head at the antics of people who make their living being famous.

If you can successfully pretend to be someone else, people throw gobs of money at you. Or, if you’re completely untalented, you can go from being an ordinary girl next door, to one of the Girls Next Door by forgoing such mundane things as morals, standards, and self-esteem.

The ridiculous, shocking, and strange has become the norm, as many people become famous by debasing themselves on reality tv. In the end, we will all have our 15 minutes of fame, because it’s much cheaper to film ordinary people doing ordinary things than to have writers waste their precious time on such silly things as character development, and plot.

Things that have left me contemplating the state of the world lately:

  • Heidi Montag (from The Hills), during an interview following her 10 Plastic Surgery Procedures in One Day, who said, “I want girls to understand that beauty comes from within.” She’s right. In her case, beauty isn’t skin deep. It’s actually just as deep as the surgeon’s knife.
  • Snookie, from the reality show “The Jersey Shore” who is now renting herself out for parties. One has to wonder, “As what?” It seems to me that the type of parties where she would be a welcomed guest already have their share of loose young women and drunks who show up for free.
  • The freak show that is Nadya “Octomom” Suleman. The woman should be in treatment for her addiction to birthing large quantities of children she can plop in front of a tv camera. Or forcefully sterilized. Instead, she gets interviewed everywhere and becomes a media darling.

She’s even on the recent cover of Star magazine, claiming her new bikini body didn’t involve surgery. Right. Shut off the lights and lock her up already. [Star was consistently down, link leads to which shows before and after]

This latest thing that almost made me pass out from extensive eye-rolling:

  • Jennifer Love Hewett’s vagazzling. “It looks like a disco ball.” I have never seen a man look at a disco ball and heard him say, “I want a piece of that.”

Here’s a clue: guys don’t care what it looks like. It can be fuzzy or smooth, vagazzled or plain, perfect or asymmetrical; as long as the welcome sign is up, they’re willing to give it a go.

I do have to wonder what kind of friend feels comfortable saying, “Let’s glue stuff on your cooter. You’ll love it.” I have lots of female friends. The most I’ve ever done is rub suntan lotion on their backs. I can’t imagine in a million years offering to stick things on their genitals. Or, if I got drunk or high enough to propose it, having them happily agree.

Jennifer obviously has much more time on her hands than I do. Husband wouldn’t patiently wait for me to go out after hearing, “just 15 more minutes, honey, this butterfly is almost perfect.” Swarovski crystals is going to have an amazing year, as bored young women follow in her footsteps to decorate their lady parts.

I just checked. The following domains have already been secured by people looking to cash in on what’s certain to be a new fad:








There’s probably another 50 domains that are variations on the theme. At least one of them will be opening shop with kits and instructions. If they’re smart, they’ll run ads in every Ghost Whisperer commercial break and clean up like thieves.

I won’t be vagazzling. But then, I also don’t have ear holes down to my shoulders, or piercings anywhere not visible to the public. When I get my 15 minutes of fame, I’ll be shown in “mom” jeans and sensible shoes.

I’m fine with that.

© @tweet_fail on Twitter – also at the Twitter Fail blog

step back from the hippy…

i’ve been waffling about hippy things, including ecology and sustainability – and Stephen Glanville’s been talking intelligently about it – and how to make it pay in a way that is totally capitalist.

But not here, which is why you didn’t see it. Yes, lazy blog post time. This one’s really just a link to Stephen’s blog.


In other news, just had to cut about 12,000 words from The Thing. Don’t expect politeness, i’m cranky as can be. Damn characters promised me they wouldn’t go far off-piste, and they went so far off, we’re not even on the same mountain any more. So no more Ms Nice Guy. Well, of course i’ll be nice to readers. I mean, no more being nice to characters.

I’ve just killed one, to make sure they know i mean it. My main character is still trying to over-compensate for being possibly gay. Silly bugger.


Sometimes you need people…

This is me doing another off-site post – @Sn0tty asked me if i’d write something for a new site. She’s involved in Navigating Cancer – a site for cancer patients and the people around them – she’s currently dealing with two cases in her own family. This is a copy of my post for their site…


In 2001, i was in London, when i got the call from Australia. Mum had cancer. It was advanced. The docs had told Mum she was in Stage 3 of 4, and she said not to worry, but when i looked it up, it said there was no Stage 4. Just 1, 2, then 3. 3 was terminal. I went home.

That was my first experience of spending time in the cancer wards. Mum’s cancer, a huge mass in her belly, responded so well to chemo treatment she went from terminal to recovering well inside 16 weeks. Suddenly it was in remission. We couldn’t believe it, she couldn’t, and we couldn’t thank the wonderful medical staff enough.

A few months later, my father rang me late at night. Lung cancer. Terminal. He might have five years, if the treatment worked. It didn’t – nine months later, despite similarly wonderful medical staff, despite the awfulness of chemo and radiotherapy, Dad died.

A website like this one is a wonderful resource – until you experience it, you have no idea of the despair and horror cancer brings, along with the strange joys, the black laughter, and the knowledge of who really cares. We had family, friends, and the medical staff, all being incredibly supportive, and it was still the scariest experience. We felt lost, alone, and helpless. And we weren’t even the patients – just the children of them.

The one major thing i took away from the experiences was that other people, often complete strangers you meet in waiting rooms or cancer treatment wards, become your strength.

I wish this site well – anything that can help take some of the load, answer questions, or simply put you in touch with information, and with others going through a similar nightmare, is a truly wonderful resource.

Navigating Cancer

Lo, and i did a guest post…

We’ve mentioned @Tweet_Fail and the Twitter Fail Website before, but this is even more exciting than when I gave Twitter Fail my Kreativ Blogger award…. which was pretty exciting, because i had to win it from @jean_blore to be able to give it away (and it turned out to be Tweet-Fail’s birthday, which we didn’t know!).

However, this time, it’s my first ever guest post on a blog.

I’ve been asked several times to do guest blogs or blog swaps, (and the one person who offered to do a guest blog here, i’ll be onto you shortly). Each time I took a rain cheque, thinking i needed to focus on other things, but i realised it was coming up for about eight months since Tweet_Fail asked me. I do enjoy procrastination, but not that much.

What did i blog about? Well, it’s all about how Guy Kawasaki did not invent that motorbike…. (link opens in new window) – inspired by a tweet Guy Kawasaki sent me the other day.

Most people think GK’s a win at Twitter – i think he’s a real Twitter Fail. Also mentioned are some celebs who Twitter – some who i think fail, and some who don’t.



The gingerbread rush is over…

Quiet. I am hiding from The Thing. It’s a book I’m writing. It’s called The Thing for a reason. I’ve been working on it for so long – well, in other forms – since 1995. This Thing is like the distillation of The Things That Came Before.

I’ll go back to it in a minute, but i just wanted to rave to someone, and i mustn’t go into Twitter, except to punt this post, of course, as i’ve had my twitterhit… or whatever it’s called, for today.

Not that i’m ruthless, well, not about time. Time is an illusion. Twitter doubly so. Heh – sorry, hippy moment, it will pass, and we’ll be back to me killing things. Or nailing men’s genitalia to the wall. This blog has a Trophy Room.

So far i have Kyle Sanderson, (an Australian celebrity), and God. Well, not them exactly, but i have their genitalia. With God, i only got the scrotum. Does God seem strange to you lately?

A woman needs a hobby, and i don’t have a pony to ride, so this is it. No, not collecting genitals, that’s just an interest. My hobby is my blog. It’s where i have fun. I’m often surprised when people come back at me with some joke that shows they read my blog. Hardly any of them comment. *looks petulant* I’m allegedly scary. Pfft.

Oh, and speaking of me, my blog stats are pitiful. P.I.T.I.F.U.L. – the Christmas gingerbread rush is over. *cries* Most of my hits are still from people searching for gingerbread, but it’s down to only five gingerbread-househunters a day, from the dizzy pre-Baby Jebus heights of fifty a day.

Now people are looking for sex again. And camel toe, that old staple. Everyone should do a post or two on camel toe, it’s brilliant for accidental Google hits. Penectomy doesn’ t hurt either, i mean, it doesn’t hurt your hits.


In other news: i have a new widget now – a button. *shiny thing moment* Yep, you click on it, put in your email, and an auto-email goes out every time i update. Which won’t be that often. It’s over there, on the left *waves that way*

What? It’s a complete fluke that i’ve done more posts in last couple of weeks than i have in ages. No, no, i’m not going to start blogging more in the New Year. *looks innocent* That would smack of some kind of New Year’s Resolution… and we don’t do those.

Note: okay, so i’m going to try to, but i didn’t decide at New Year.
It was before Christmas.


Zen in the New Year…

Life goes on. Even for the Antichrist. Bought a tiny birdbath, ($35 for a terracotta one from Bunnings? Even i can afford that). Being treated to all kinds of parrot-play.

On hot days, i’ll top it up a few times, as they queue up to drink and swim, while the ones who can’t get in play in what’s splashed out. What, the Antichrist can’t have a birdbath?

A pair of lorikeets having a dipI did put that pic up on Twitpic a couple of weeks ago. It’s taken through the glass of the back wall, next to my desk. Should have had it on Sports, that’s just Through Glass – trusty Olympus Stylus 840 did well. I have a fantastic view usually, but since the birdbath it’s even better.

The lorikeets are just like people. Some don’t like getting their heads wet, others are afraid to let go of the edge. Some are like Aqua Parrot, dive in, soaking themselves, splashing, standing on their heads, and then flapping their wings in a rainbow ecstasy of joy. They all, no matter how wet they get, just love it. It’s hard not to get distracted.

Still, i figure it’s good to take a moment, observe joy, and hold it close to your heart. Let it fill you, and then share it with the world. Barring serious chemical imbalances, you always have a choice – to choose misery, or happiness.

I personally believe that choosing misery often enough means you can cause the chemical imbalances. I’ve seen too many people do it over the years. Choose to be happy, instead.

May joy find you in 2010.


This post brought to you (so far) by the voices-outside-my-head, who are much nicer than moi. Me, for 2010, i hope you stop being a fucktard. That would be nice.

I hope you stop pretending politicians, the news, TV, the media generally, your religious leaders, and the people trying to sell you things, won’t lie to you. I don’t lie to you, but then i don’t need your vote, or your arse on a seat in the congregation – you see, that’s what the AK47’s are for.

I hope you start reading labels, and don’t fall for crap like “eco-friendly” when it’s made of polyurethane, or other petroleum derivatives. (Yes, i’m looking at you, supermarket “green” bag.)

Don’t believe “low GI” or “low fat” can be good for you, or your kids, when the product is 50% sugar. (Yes, chocolate hazelnut spread, kids’ chocolate cereals, and chocolate malt ‘energy drink’ marketed as low GI food for kiddies, i’m looking at you. )

Pay attention to words, dear Minions of Darkness Beloved Visitors. That’s where the meaning is, no matter what the litcrit crazies tell you. I hope you learn the difference between marketing and truth. Hint: one is not actually true.

Oh yeah, and i hope you have a good time. Choose fun. Tell anyone who asks, the Queen of Darkness made you do it. She’s the Antichrist, you can explain, and it lays the groundwork for your defence on insanity grounds. (And mine.)

Yep, providing the real Antichrist doesn’t come out of the coma before the Rapture, (and he won’t once i tap him on the head with a good length of heavy hickory), we’re set.

2010 is going to be an excellent year.