Let’s face it, the easiest way to deal with sudden inability to function is to take lots of drugs and zone out. I did that for the first three days. Then i realised it had actually been a week, so i tried reality again. It sucked so much that i went back to the drugs.
Happy to report they still work. Still have thumb strapped, which – as i was already wearing wrist supports for any typing – is just the icing on my cake. However, i can still type, just not well enough for me to waste the little time i have doing long blogs when i need to be getting on with the novel.
It’s going rather well, *touch wood* so i also don’t want to shift my focus too much, or i’ll lose where i am. And when. Yeah, i live in my head, so? Someone has to.
I do go outside. I’ve fortunately managed to control all my massive neuroses little foibles so i can still leave the house, i’m not actually terminally obese, (though have been there, so do not think i’m some kind of body fascist), and i still drive a car. I’ve managed to give up smoking tobacco, which after two years (nearly) still astonishes me.
Allowing our minds to take our lives over on the outside is like me doing a retro-tech futuristic novel means i should be skipping about ‘in costume’ in real life and only answering to the name of the heroine of my book.
Actually, i could start tweeting in character, maybe? No no no. Thrice no, i say! (Bit of drama there, for those who like that kind of thing. me arguing with the voices inside my head is always entertaining.)
Our minds influence life to astonishing degrees. We smoke or eat or drink ourselves to death, we hide indoors, we stop driving, we stop going to the supermarket and start only going as far as the corner shop, then try to stop going there too. We justify it all to ourselves. And for no real reason. We know that. It’s just something in our mind.
I once thought i had agoraphobia, as i didn’t like going outside when i first went to London. Then i realised that every time i stepped outside, i could see someone else, (it’s a crowded place), whereas inside the house there was more space around me. I had claustrophobia, you see? The reverse of what it looked like.
Mr Whatsit has been having a rough time, finally got some drugs that work from the doctor, and has been sleeping joyfully, zombie-boy catching up on maybe four months of not much sleep.
That’s my news – we’re both in pain but drugged enough to cope. Lol – and compared to many of my friends at the moment, we’re not doing too badly.
There seems to have been a rash of sudden illness, cancer diagnoses, of mid-winter depression, of bullying and depression, and of course, people have been going green in support of Iran. I haven’t, i’d only just gone red on Twitter to cheer myself up, with it being two days away from the mid-winter solstice here.
I feel sympathy and empathy for the Iranians – but i don’t think some unquantifiable number of people on Twitter dyeing their avatars green will help. I mean, does the head of the Iranian Secret Police say….
Zomg, all mah Tweeples haz gone green!
Can haz democrasee! Stop teh beetingz!
Somehow, i don’t think so.