Get your cult membership here

Hahaha – someone found my blog while looking for “porn female crucifixion stories” – the blog on “something evil for the weekend, sir?” is on the 3rd page of results. I need to intro some other weird subjects.  In the music biz it’s good to be a cult – i’m sure it’s good generally, providing you don’t hand out poison koolaid, but instead offer them cheese and bikkies. With any luck you get crossover appeal. Especially if you supply chocolate cake.

It could get quite messy, what with the cake, the crackers and cheese, the  crucifixion fantasists, the (mostly) wannabe eunuchs, the religious people, and the Servants of Onan (masturbators). The eunuchs are here thanks to me threatening a penectomy on the guy down the street.

It’s a particularly cruel punishment, the penectomy, if you leave the testicles. He’s got the urges, you see, but not the wherewithal. Why would i do it? He cut down some trees in the park, to make his view of 200° of lake and trees look more fashionable and more bare water. *spits* Ecological vandals should suffer.

I was told in the comments on the last post that i was “deliciously schizophrenic”. Which was just lovely. Though we wonder how he knew, as the Queen of Darkness barely spoke at all. We’re not crazy, we’re serious about invading Queensland. Maybe he thinks a Hello Kitty Kalashnikov doesn’t fire real bullets? Pfft. Her Majesty will take advantage of Australian apathy. Assuming she can overcome her own Aussie apathy.

Providing the beer keeps flowing, the sport continues to hit the TV screens, and the barbies continue to burn, my nation will be happy. I don’t really drink beer, or watch sport, nor does Mr Whatsit. We both like a barbeque though. We aren’t un-Australian.

We’re just a minority. White people who read books, don’t like sport, and aren’t booze-sodden. We exist, just not in large numbers. Back in Queensland, i’ll have to get used to the incredible amounts of alcohol that infest even morning get-togethers in the Sunshine State.

They’re heavy drinkers here in New South Wales, too – pretty much everywhere in Australia – but in the Far North, according to Mr Whatsit, who lived there for 30 yrs or so, they drink even more.

Hold on, i completely lost my thread. *reads* Nup, i’m none the wiser. Her Majesty says we’re semi-incoherent at the best of times, and the voices-outside-my-head say that’s part of our charm.

I have basic grasp of rugby – both kinds – cricket, most types of ball games, and even Formula One. It’s required to be able to keep sanity when for months at a time, while the TV is on sport. You learn to enjoy it, or you go mad. I did learn that dissecting a rugby league game from a disinterested viewpoint is quite fascinating.

Gosh, all that repressed homosexuality. The shorts! The throbbing muscles on their foreheads. The insane bravery of the referees stepping into the mêlée. The refs should be issued with cattle prods. Tasers. Possibly silver bullets.

Anyway – I’m not schizophrenic, i’m just a little confused. Mercury is Retrograde, so communication is fraught with problems. As are computer communications. I was going to do a new badge for my Twitter Followers, because a neat site was up again, after the owner had been ill, but sadly i can’t get it to work.

I was in the mood for a badge. Maybe some black polished boots. A tank, a border in front of me, and my Mother Teresa Rocket Launcher on my knees.

How can that be misconstrued? It’s Zen & the Art of World Domination®. Yeah, i’m getting with the program, grasping the zeitgeist, embracing lots of other cliches too, and i have a catchphrase. The PR people wanted “Come over to the Dark Side, we have cake”, but the Legal people said that implied i would actually give away cake, and right now, i get any cake, it’s all mine.

I think this blog post is over. The voices-inside-my-head say go on, but of course, we don’t listen to them.



About stinginthetail

On Twitter as @stinginthetail. I write as Lee Abrey. Free copy of my top-rated book Polo Shawcross: The Birthday Dragon at View all posts by stinginthetail

2 responses to “Get your cult membership here

  • Nick (nicko236)

    Oh God. I think I love this blog. WHY DID I NOT FIND IT SOONER?

    • stinginthetail

      😀 ty so much – and we had to connect on Twitter first – then you could find the blog. It’s only been going since mid March – you’re in at the cool part, where hardly anyone knows about it, and i have time to witter on to everyone who posts 🙂

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