let me whip up some hysteria

Someone found this blog by Googling “penectomy” +”cruel” +”shoot”. (That beats the “frog with very long legs” someone used last week. By miles.) Yep, i’m picking up the eunuch crowd. *waves* Hello boys! I mean… um – nullified beings. *smiles sweetly* It was the post where i reckoned castration was too good for the guy who cut down the trees out the back and went on to say what was appropriate. I may have mentioned penectomy.

Penectomy simply means penis removal. Let’s get that out of the way, and move on. Hmm. If one can, when possibly over half one’s audience is crossing their legs, and the other half is Googling “penectomy” +”cruel” +”shoot”. Do not read the Eunuch Porn, people.

It’s stupid, for one thing – how many times do i have to tell you? Some things are not fun in real life? Glamorising them in porn stories just makes people think real life will be like the story. Let’s face it, some things are fucking damaging.

There i was, wondering how to top the Pope Porn in the last post. Easy, you see? As the Antichrist, i have a knack for this kind of thing.

But seriously, folks, that kind of self-hatred (including the kinds of permanent harm that a vociferous minority are trying to make part of the BDSM and fetish world) means one thing – no, don’t go get your bits cut off – it means, do something about your self-hatred.

It’s said a hundred different ways, but “as above, so below” covers my thoughts. Stop the hatred, learn to love yourself – not just because someone else says you’re beautiful, but because you think you are.

So, aside from genital mutilation as an expression of low self-esteem, what shall we talk about? *pokes you with a stick* I said, don’t read the Eunuch Porn, you’ll be damaged. In your mind. You can’t unread Eunuch Porn.


In other news – the only people still talking about Swine Flu (the Hamdemic? Spamthrax?) are totally behind the times. On the weekend, the story broke that Mexico had announced that ‘erm, only 12 people died’, not the 200+ everyone had been told, which made 13 people worldwide. Not quite the Aporkalypse we’d been told to expect by the media. The media barely covered it, preferring to keep whipping up fear.

At the same time the media were saying “Everyone’s panicking and over-reacting. *superior sneer* How stupid people are.”  And i wanted to send a group tweet to the news providers i follow on Twitter – to say “Ya reckon people are panicking, you fucktards? Could it be because you’ve done nothing but try to make them fear for their lives for 2 weeks?”

I have no idea what happened to the responsibility of governments and the press not to start witchhunts, panics, and rumours, (if they ever adhered to it), but they’ve excelled themselves with Swine Flu.

Even the @ABCnews got in on the act, screeching that TWO AUSTRALIANS HAVE SWINE FLU – but they were in London, England, just returned from Mexico, or had caught it from friends who had. They weren’t dead, instead one of them appeared later on the TV news, said she was over the worst now, and whinged about the public health in the UK not doing enough. Nobody, she said darkly, had phoned her.

Gosh. You had the flu. That’s all. Yes, you feel like death. It’s not a cold, (surprise!) it’s much fucking worse. If you didn’t exaggerate every sniffle into zombie-mutant-flu-death-Ebola-virus, you’d know the difference.

When i got my first UK flu, the overwhelming sensation was “For pity’s sake, kill me now, someone, please.” Colds, you can soldier on – flu’s you end up in hospital or seriously ill if you try. Fortunately, the person i was staying with knew what to do.

I sat at home, drinking hot toddies made to a special recipe, which included irish whisky, lemon, honey, and hashish. With a side of paracetamol and codeine. It reduced the will to die.

I watched lots of TV, (he left me a selection of suggested videos, Brazil on drugs is excellent, so are samurai movies, but i don’t remember much). I kept up the legal and illegal drugs, which at least stopped most of the pain, and unlike thousands of people, that year and every year, i was one of the millions who catch influenza and live.

Shock! Horror! Because, no matter what the media say,
that’s what humans tend to do.


Of course, i mentioned on Twitter that “penectomy”+”cruel”+”shoot” found my blog, because it was easy to explain in 140 characters, and it’s pushed my blog up the Google rankings. Ha, take that, Al Gore. Not looking so cocky with all those Followers now. (Would you believe, i wrote that sentence without realising the pun?) Soon, people looking for “penectomy” +”cruel” +”shoot” will be sent first to my blog.

We begin with the world of the eunuchs, the de-peenied, the nullified, and the simply unballed, then the Queen of Darkness will probably take over the worlds of those who wear Star Trek uniforms, and we’ll shoot them. Wait, *looks thoughtful* I meant not shoot them, of course. *smiles again* I meant steal their hits on Google.

I was offered spiritual counselling as a result of my last blog.
I wonder what will happen this time?

Once again, i blame the voices-outside-my-head.

© stinginthetail.wordpress.com


About stinginthetail

On Twitter as @stinginthetail. I write as Lee Abrey. Free copy of my top-rated book Polo Shawcross: The Birthday Dragon at http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/63286 View all posts by stinginthetail

6 responses to “let me whip up some hysteria

  • Davis

    thanks for the great post, as usual

  • Tea

    You get all the search term luck!

    I was hoping Swine Flu would get a little closer to me, so I’d have an excuse to draw something on a surgical mask and wear it all over the place.

    • stinginthetail

      i think finding a niche like ‘eunuchs’ where there’s not as much competition for hits could be the way of the future, lol.

      lots of people i talked to liked the idea of funny or weird masks- especially piggy masks – i bet there’s an entrepreneur somewhere cursing that he couldn’t get his to market (hehehe, piggies, market, geddit?) in time for the hysteria of the last couple of weeks.

      i talked to my pharmacist, he pointed out they had to be top quality, (not all facemasks are), they had to fit properly, no gaps anywhere, and you had to wear them all the time to get any real protection. Most of the people i saw wearing them (on tv or on net pics) were not protected at all, because their masks gaped, or worse, lol, they wore them over their mouth, but not their nose.

      Then there was the stupid woman reporting from Mexico City, wearing one of those round masks you use for woodwork or painting – and of course, those aren’t rated to prevent viral entry. So some people spent a massively uncomfortable time, on planes, running round cities, etc, wearing masks that were only making them sweaty.

      • Tea

        On the bright side, she won’t have to worry about getting any icky sawdust in her mouth!

      • stinginthetail

        and she can use spraypaint – well, if she gets goggles too. Should we all be wearing goggles? Surely the virus getting in your eyes is possible. We need Swine Goggles! And Oinkment! *falls about laughing* sorry, but oinkment still makes me laugh.

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