Here we are, swine flu apocalypse, me wondering if hiding under my bed is the sensible option, and the Rapturists saying this is teh End of Dayz. Or maybe it was the Lolcats who said it. (There’s a Lolspeak Bible.) Lots of people are going to be wiped out, just a few tattered survivors living in caves, being bothered by the Antichrist.
Of course – Armageddon is happening just as a nice thing happened. Well, two nice things, so i’m pretty much overwhelmed. Some of you may remember me pinning your ears back, over what i thought of plagiarists, after someone nicked a blog post. I was quite annoyed.
However *drumroll* Google has taken down the stolen post *sounds of cheering* and another person’s post he stole – but not the whole blog *sigh* but it’s good news overall *polite applause*.
The other nice thing was that the Mumbrella website (all about Aussie media and marketing), that i mentioned in my last post, featured a quote and link to my blog on their page, under Opinion. Look! That’s me! In the purplish square. I was gobsmacked. And very, very pleased.
Spooky thing (non- apocalypse related): while i was working on the post, i got a notification of a new Follower on Twitter – and it turned out to be @Mumbrella.
I followed them back and then warned about the post referencing them, in case i’d accidentally been offensive. I’d rather they complained to me, you see. So i expected them to read it, but the link was a lovely surprise.
The world ending right after that – and just as Google did my bidding – is the pits. I can’t die now, ffs. Don’ t you understand? If Google follows my orders, I may actually be the Antichrist and the Queen of Darkness.This could be my big break!
I could spit! What’s the use of me being queen if you’re all dead? Or if i am? If there’s a God, he’s a freaking tease and this is why i decided to be the Queen of Darkness. Ahem. I nearly stamped my feet real-time then.
Mr Whatsit saw my mention (which sounds like a strange euphemism). I had to show him before the world ended. He came back later, reminded me that i’d been linked, and that i was nearly famous. I got a little glow. One day, maybe i’ll be blasé over mentions, but for now i’m happy-dancing.
When the remnant survivors of the apocalypse come out of their caves, (no, i hadn’t forgotten they were in there), maybe they’ll find some of my Tweets and a blog post, with links to bits of my work that sound like they’d be good – and i’ll be like one of those Greek writers we know about because other people say they’re cool.
Of course, if i make it to the caves, i might be able to start again. I can cook and do weird sexual things, which may ensure my survival. Oh – if you’re really worried about the Rapture, the friendly folk at Post-Rapture Post will help out. They promise to deliver your smug, nagging letters to your friends and relatives who haven’t been sucked up in God’s Giant Vacuum Cleaner with the Faulty Suction (for an explanation of the Rapture, read my post Sex Sells).
I’m betting I’ll be left behind, what with my predilections for heresy and sex. We will be forsaken by Ceiling Cat, dealing with boils – or it may have been furballs – and the Antichrist, which may be me. *sweet smile* I figure it’s no use denying it, because the Antichrist would deny it.
There’s also a new Messiah. Like the old one didn’t cause enough trouble. Be nice to each other, he said – lol – alien concept or what? No wonder they nailed him to a tree. Today, Jesus would be on Twitter, saying “Follow me, i am the Way” and people would be going “i bet you’re a bot”. I’ll probably be sarcastic, and tease him with “find God, ask me how!” or “make $$$ out of suckers who believe they are the cheese makers”.
He won’t get the Monty Python’s Life of Brian reference, of course – we’ll need to sit him down, make him watch that, and all the awful movies like Mel Gibson’s The Passion of the Christ. And the one where John Wayne is a centurion – The Robe? And Jesus Christ Superstar.
He’ll be so creeped out, he’ll forget about the Apocalypse – and this will be my opportunity to move into the power void. Ha! Now would be a good time to follow me on Twitter – there will be those who got in Before Apocalypse, and those who came After. You know which ones will get the Hello Kitty Kalashnikovs.
On Twitter, people seem to be fluctuating between genuine hysteria and hysterical laughter over the swine flu apocalypse – probably normal, actually. Here’s a page with a list of symptoms so you can tell the difference between the flu and a cold. I’m getting a bit annoyed over the people with head colds saying they’re probably going to die – hence the link.
I’m doubly annoyed, as i had a shot for flu, but it’s the wrong freaking kind. Now i’m just a person who had a dead arm for four days from the shot, got woken up by the pain every time i rolled over in the night, (my immune system is overactive), was still bruised two weeks later (i’m delicate, ok?), and now, I might die anyway. So don’t complain to me about your freaking head cold. Ahem.
The last post was a reasonably coherent one, now here i am, wittering on about vacuum cleaners in the sky and making my mark before the world ends. Point is, (somewhere in the wittering, there is a point) i’m used to getting my hopes up – i’ve been in lots of bands, and other group endeavours from businesses to drama groups.
My happiness is not dependent on worldly success. Which is lucky, or i’d be completely freaking miserable, all the time. From promising beginnings, i’ve made it as far as “epic fail” – but things could be heaps worse – i found happiness along the way.
Sometime in amongst the strange things, i found Zen, and though i have my bad days, i am basically content. I was like this before i met Mr Whatsit – my state of mind is not dependent on others, on love, health, wealth, or good things happening in an unending stream – life isn’t like that. However, I do enjoy the good stuff.
I’m loving my victory over the plagiarist via Google, and my mention.