the many faces of the Twitterverse

I wrote this.

the sky is black, watching people run to escape the rain come howling over the lake, only dandelions still dancing out there

Sometimes on Twitter, someone says something beautiful. My thanks to @cataractmoon for telling me he liked it, which prompted me to read it over, and realise i liked it too.

Me, i’ve been calm, reading detective fiction. I’ll be the cool protagonist, at least i will when the hero is cool. And funny too. Most things i like – and men i like – are funny.

That’s what books are for. Lovely escapist stuff, whether heavy or light. I become the hero or anti-hero or the chick being chased by the Mob, just for a while.Or i lose myself in other ways, distracted from the world.

Instead of having to take crap from people, i shoot them in the head. Or when feeling evil, both feet. Or run them over with a tank. *happy thoughts*

The big news on Twitter has been @aplusk (Ashton Kutcher) hitting a million followers, *sound of gagging* and people trying to make out the new social media has triumphed. Perhaps that should be Twiumphed. It is a twiumph for young Ashton, although he did say it was for all his followers – however, he doesn’t follow back.

The Queen of Darkness points out that she could get a million followers just by saying keywords like sex and marketing – he had to beg and do webcasts. And get Oprah to use Twitter. (Her staff had the account ready – there are a lot of wannabe Oprah’s on Twitter already who would have grabbed @oprah if they could.)

Oprah’s perfectly suited to the overhyped world of the multi level marketer salespeople who infest Twitter – make money, ask me how! find god, ask me how! retire early, ask me how! lose weight, ask me how!

The supposed people’s movement came out sounding very orchestrated, and people on Twitter, as people online do enjoy doing, began to rebel. @TheBloggess (read her very funny blog here) posted

I just preemptively blocked @Oprah.

So I did too – hey, I’m easily led, and did think it was an excellent idea. And brothers and sisters, i must confess – it felt good. We were taking back Twitter from the celebs. Of course, it being the weekend, things went downhill from there.

Someone (allegedly Australian, no, it wasn’t me) started the #fistingoprah trend which did well for about 24 hours. It led to comments like this one – from me…

i’m thinking, if we want to get serious we’re going to need industrial quantities of lube – oh, and a winch #fistingoprah

Then @Dewayne1A said,

How much would you need and should i remove my watch first? learning to #fistingoprah

I include his post to prove that it wasn’t just me. I replied,

depends how much she fights you – and if you go for anal #fistingoprah

There were screams of horror. And of course, the one that got retweeted was this one below – when i was at my most flippant, suggesting ways of making the #fistingoprah hashtag movement go viral.

anal #fistingoprah might have more resonance – let’s face it, most ppl here are men lkg 4 backdoor action

I wasn’t even drinking. I scared some folks. The idea of backdoor Oprah freaked them out badly. We’re talking possible lawsuits for mental trauma. Hey, if you can’t stand the heat, stay out of Her Majesty’s Tweetstream.

Boy, was i glad i got the whole “following Ashton Kutcher” thing out of my system last week! People trying to unfollow him can’t do it – Twitter is broken just for him (you can unfollow anyone except Ashton) – so maybe he doesn’t have that many followers.

People got excited over Oprah – was like Jesus was visiting. Someone said that Oprah said, “Gayle, go get me a Twinkie.” However, when i went to check the wording, her first post was

HI TWITTERS . THANK YOU FOR A WARM WELCOME. FEELING REALLY 21st CENTURY .

All in caps, huh?  What a noob. I have been on Twitter since… about mid-March? Yep, March 14th i think. I’m old in the Twitterverse. Four weeks! (I have however been online for over a decade.)

I did some research – other people on the web say Oprah’s first tweet was indeed  “Gayle go get me a twinkie.”

yes, other people saw it too

Hmm, has history been rewritten? Well, no – you see, it’s not Oprah saying it. When it’s a quote, it’s @Oprah@1938media were making a joke.

Me, i liked “Gayle, go get me a twinkie.” I reckon Oprah should have gone for that.

I’d quite like my first tweet as world ruler to be something intimate, let people think they know the real me. I even liked the intertextuality of it. I loved how it gave a wee nod to this famous lolcat.

Anal fisting, poetry, a lolcat, and celebrity gossip. Damn, i spoil you all.

I’ve had so much fun #fistingoprah, i’m not sure what could top it.  The voices-outside-my-head say not to worry, but the voices-inside-my-head are trying to shoot me with the tranquiliser gun.

Nobody panic.

*********

As this blog is posted, these are the hottest #topics on Twitter – this afternoon, #herebeforeoprah was top – a less invasive version of #fistingoprah – then the Formula One came on, (Chinese Grand Prix), and people began to focus on the important things. #asot400 is part of a 72 hour trance music festival, and Susan Boyle is a newly-discovered singer.

#f1, #asot400, Susan Boyle, Red Bull,

#herebeforeoprah, Player Snapshot, Webber, Ferrari, Coachella, Goodnight

The Twitterverse united by sport and music – and a love for Twitter.
It’s quite sweet, really.

© stinginthetail.wordpress.com

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About stinginthetail

Australian. Female. On Twitter as @stinginthetail. I write as Polo Shawcross. 1960 vintage. Quite strange. Free sample of my top-rated book The Birthday Dragon at http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/63286 View all posts by stinginthetail

6 responses to “the many faces of the Twitterverse

  • Tea

    I blocked Oprah too! Blocking Oprah is the new iPhone or the new black or something. It’s the new cool. I do admit to taking a look at what she had to say and it was all very eye-rolling-inducing. Twitter almost doesn’t seem as cool anymore, now that Oprah’s on it.

    I also admit to staying glued to #f1 last night, at the same time I was watching the race. Now if only I could get it beamed directly into my brain, I’d be set!

    • stinginthetail

      lol – #blockoprah

      there’s a new kind of person on twitter – the Twoprah – this morning they were sending round CHAIN TWEETS
      “retweet this and put your name here”

      FFS – it’s not enough to clog the net with all their dumb Forwards and email hysterics, now we’ll have it on Twitter too

  • Liam Vickery

    I don’t go much for celebrities on Twitter. I follow plenty of the follow thousands people (and many others, but not many celebrities.)

    I follow @StephenFry for example, (Quite an intelligent entertaining man – He even ended up following many many people back, which I did NOT expect! )

    I first saw @aplusk when he had around 20,000 followers. Didn’t follow. Bleh. Same for John Mayer. Why bother.. that to me is TRUE twitter narcissism. Plenty of people run around calling narcissism on Twitter and self absorption. Really, Oprah and Aplusk not following anyone is the epitome of this. They are not following people back as that may erode the status quo they are desperate to maintain.

    They NEED assymetry to keep their ‘power.’ I am in no way ever supporting that. As basement dad said – aplusk should have donated the mozzie nets whether he won his million game or not. I am disgusted that Twitter itself stopped people from unfollowing him, corrupting their platform manually just for a publicity stunt, and Oprah BS. That is just NOT RIGHT. Borderline evil? Facebook evil?

    @basementdad is my hero – 300,000 followers in a night!
    Some Hackers shows the stupidity of the numbers BS. (And no I’m not involved with that but I did follow when I saw the account. I actually read about it on readwriteweb.)

    TV audiences are dying, so celebs are bringing their broadcasting mentality to twitter? A shame but the way it is headed. But the masses will follow as they watch TV. Each to their own. Personally not many people I follow who don’t follow (anyone) back. (Who are celebs anyway, I follow plenty of geeks and other people who don’t always follow me back though… It is not conditional, like follow for follow. Following EVERYONE back just promotes spam, but selectively doing it is great.

    StephenFry decided to follow some people back so why can’t they? That man is a gentleman who has earnt his reputation on merit, they are expert publicity whores.

    Thanks again for introducing yourself to me with your earlier comment btw. Was much appreciated. Errm am I getting a little longwinded here?

    Stinginthetail, I don’t have a TV, or like Mainstream media much. @stilgherrian’s bio says it all, and that is basically aligned with my philosophy on media. There is no objective unbiased views. No scientific process. All media is biased propaganda with an agenda.

    You are one of my celebrities. Seriously. I live for intelligent thought, and it is a pleasure to read yours. 🙂

    • stinginthetail

      wow – what a lovely comment 🙂 thanks – i think something that needs to be said is that Twitter, like the rest of the net, is a wonderful place for connecting with people. Of course, just like in real life, some of them are trying to sell you something 🙂

      as you say, media is biased – i try to read a range of stories across the political divide – makes it hard to ascertain where truth lies, but that’s up to me to decide. All i can usually say for sure is that both sides are probably lying, lol. I think that’s why i get so flippant with politics – it’s like a pair of 14 yr olds posturing and reacting emotionally, so the truth – and the public good – gets lost somewhere along the way.

      i had to stop following all real aussie politicians after i used Lolspeak on Malcom Turnbull (leader of the australian opposition).

  • scareykatt

    stinginthetail,

    I saw your replied to me on tweetdeck.

    it does not matter to me about twitterrfail.

    Some people does NOT understand me.

    Therefore, I have to “repeat” myself.

    ROFL

    Besides, millions of people use twitter; most people will miss it in the timeline!

    I don’t care if people DOES NOT follow me either because of my deformed pussy pic.

    In closing, they don’t have to listen me.

    Just block me and be done with it!

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