Sit on Kev’s face, and tell him you love him

I’m supposed to have a theme, make a commitment, and dust. *sighs* This blog is so wrong. Other people have themes. They restrict their ravings to specified subjects. They commit to blogging at set intervals, or set numbers of blogs per week. Feck, as if.

You’ll take what you’re given and be grateful for it, or face the Gleaming Instruments of Death. As they’re newly sharpened by Mr Whatsit, who’s a master metalworker, you’d better just suck it up.

Yep, the monthly hormonal overload is beginning. I know it doesn’t seem long since the last one, it’s not. Pfft, you think it’s tough reading it, I’m inside it, and Mr Whatsit has to live with it. It’s like being unconsensually drugged. I just get this weird impulsive behaviour thing happening. Like someone put LSD in my KoolAid. Still, there’s worse things they put in KoolAid.

In other news, the government’s announced they’re building a new optical fibre broadband network – they’re aiming at ‘up to 100 mbps’ which isn’t even fast. And saying it will take eight years. As was said on Twitter…

Warlach Honestly, 8 years? 100 mbs in 8 years? The rest of the world will be jacking directly into the net Matrix style by then #nbn

National Broadband Network = #nbn if you want to look up the Twitter stream on it. Makes me grumpy, i just want to vomit. Kev wants to reduce this country to a religious nutter’s paradise. *is sick on the prime minister’s shoes*

I was going to do you a badge, and the badge generator was down – omg, i had to do it by hand. Then i was too cranky to be funny. Serious – the best i came up with was this.

“when i said i had a net filter, 9/10 people though i was Chinese “

*sighs* And of course, the issue du jour is the national broadband network, so i’m not topical either. What can you say?

“Australia’s NBN – by the time we get it, everyone else will be telepathic”

“Why make the big phone company with the money pay for it, when there are stupid taxpayers around?”

“Rudd took away my nipples, but he gave me…. “

Toaster insertions are going to be verboten, there’s nothing i can do. This middleclass white girl is going to end up a criminal, purely so i can get past the filter and read my own freaking blog.

Pretty soon i’m going to be thinking, well, wtf, if i have to break the law to blog, i might as well break the law in other ways. Yes, i’m going to smuggle cheap Chinese nipples, flood the local market, and drive Aussie black market nipple producers out of business.

If i do it right, like organised crime does, i could even get about 20 years without being hassled too much by the cops, providing of course, i don’t expose people on the street to my imported nipples, and the resultant nipple wars. Must not let my nipples bash anyone to death in Sydney airport, they’d probably get miffed with me. The cops, i mean, not the nipples.

I wonder how much bribe money they will want to look the other way? (Again, i mean cops not nipples.) I better work out a rate per funbag. Oh, and then there’s the vag tax. Hadn’t you heard? Providing you keep yours in your pants, you pay the twat tax of 25% of annual income per vag (means-tested). Pants down, like to pee or something, spot fines of $100,000 and a max of 10 years gaol.

So from now on, all Australian women will pee through their undies or wear incontinence pads. Honest. Would i lie to you? Men are exempt, no todger tax, as nobody wants to look at men’s bits.

Well, remember, these people are born again Christians, they’re a bit like Queen Victoria, when told homosexuality and lesbianism were being made illegal. She said women didn’t do that kind of thing, so it was never made illegal in the UK. Rudd doesn’t know about gays, (and the words ‘anal sex” mean nothing to him), so penises and anuses will be legal in Australia, behind closed doors, of course.

Sex is completely illegal, except for procreation, so a woman over about 42 isn’t allowed to do it. You need to show proof of viable eggs and you will be filmed to make sure you aren’t enjoying yourself. You have to be 25 to start, so younger women will be offered a new government chastity belt, which from the model looks suspiciously like someone tied her legs together with string.

Drinking, smoking, and gambling are still legal (over 18) – can’t interfere with massive government revenue streams from taxing those worthy endeavours. There’s also been some talk about lowering the voting age to 16, as teenagers are even easier to lash into an emotional frenzy of stupidity than born again Christians and left wing voters are.

Welcome to Australia! *pause while the slow internet trundles along* Sunlit land of censorship… put your freaking underwear back on, lady!

lol – so i went back to Twitter, thinking i’d promote this post, and it was down. This day is perfect. Still, least i’m still laughing.

*finds Zen after drawing the Prime Minister’s face
being sat on by woman with large arse and emailing it to him*

There, he should get it by the weekend.



About stinginthetail

On Twitter as @stinginthetail. I write as Lee Abrey. Free copy of my top-rated book Polo Shawcross: The Birthday Dragon at View all posts by stinginthetail

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