Will you stand in the band…

Make yourself a coffee, i couldn’t keep this one short. Oh – and there’s a quite scary pic – no, not the Hello Kitty Kalashnikov – worse!

Okay? I’m officially freaked out – what’s with all the Christians? *looks around nervously for the nails, hammers, and waiting tree* Me talking about religion does not make me a Christian site. *sounds of Her Majesty choking on the morning cappuccino* Even my junk mail is coming from places like christiansingles.

Oh yeah, uber-freakout time – most of my morning additions to my Twitter Follower list are Christians. Am beginning to suspect that MLM people think if they say Christian you can’t see the bit that says ‘I have no morals. Make $$$ ask me how’ right next to it.

Oops, did i just show bigotry? Heavens above. Yes, i am prejudiced against several groups. Fucktards, idiots, religious fundamentalists, and MLM people. That’s bigotry for you – unreasoning dislike/hatred of a group. Wait, mine’s not unreasoning, ergo, it can’t be bigotry. *smiles* Oops, note to self: do not use Latin, it’s attracting the wrong crowd.

Anyway – this is some of my morning Tweeple haul “Husband , Father,Christian, Conservative Republican, Tech Geek”. (In my last post i admitted to being an anarchist communist Antichrist, from memory.) He got a message about the major typo in the header of his latest blog post, (how freaking Christian of me), as i do check, blogs and websites, before i add anyone now.

I didn’t follow him back – if i get a reply that seems to show a real human being as opposed to a bunch of nouns, I’ll consider it. Besides, i find it hard to believe if he’d even glanced at my blog he’d think to add me.

one of these for my troopers, or the my little pony carbine?

these for my troopers, or the my little pony carbine?

If we have nothing in common, (despite my wide range of expertise and interests) – and they don’t give good Tweets (and i don’t mean rehashed versions of what everyone else is Tweeting), then i don’t Follow back. “Internet Marketing Social Media Advertising Public Relations Strategy Search Engine Optimization.” Honestly – what is this dude going to say to me?

“G’day Your Majesty, let’s see about PR for your invasion of the stretch of coast between here and Newcastle.” I would crack him smartly with a riding crop, (I do ride, it’s not just an affectation), and say,

“FFS, we don’t need no steenking PR – anyone who doesn’t like me gets shot. Once the clips turn up on YouTube, most people will decide loving me is heaps better than the alternatives.”

“Had you thought about television ads?”

*sound of a body hitting the floor*

I wouldn’t waste bullets, this is what stilettos are for. The daggers, not the shoes. Though you could probably use a shoe, in a pinch. Yes, everyone, rise  up, and take off your shoes!

Don’t these people know anything about absolute monarchs? Next gem… website is all high tech marketing, posts could have been written by a monkey who mastered cut and paste. So no, i won’t Follow you back.

Salespeople think we can’t tell – well, some of us dabbled in many Dark Arts. And here’s where you go wrong. You can’t keep it up – eventually, mate, your insincerity stands out like roos’ balls.

How about this? “Marketing [blah blah blah] …create a positive cash f “. Yes, a positive cash f – just what i’ve always wanted! A positive cash fuckup? Flipper? Fairy? Ooh – a positive cash fairy! Hang on, i have to email!

make $$$ - ask me how!

make $$$ - ask me how!

Omg, it was actually the MLM troll. *spits cappuccino on the screen*

Why don’t people read over their own work? It’s extremely unprofessional when your spiel is truncated. And for you not to notice? Oh puh-leeze, impress someone else with your lack of basic business skills.

Not everyone is a potential customer, idiot.  “social and viral marketing is my passion” oh gee, i wonder if i’ll add him?

I did add a guy who’s a blog coach, but he seemed human. All the vocations people have today, it’s like a smorgasbord.

I started in sales. Oh, the horror. I have morals, you know – i can’t lie through my teeth to make a sale. Weird, how life turns out. Now that training helps me in the Twitterverse. Oh hey, i got one who’s a founder of a charity – they help poor children.

I’m just putting my hair in pigtails, the webcam in soft focus, and I’m off to pitch him. “Pwease, mithter, *snarls* your money or your life!” Oops, no, that will never do. Must tone it down. Perhaps just, “I’m the Queen of Darkness, *bright smile and let him see the Hello Kitty Kalashnikov under the coat *hand over the cash, and I’ll put a good word in with Dad.”

Simple is always best. I’ll Follow him back, give him a badge, maybe put a minion on him – to tail him and get his PIN numbers.

Oh – i did get Warlach this morning. (He’s human, and got Followed back.) On his blog, he’s playing one of those games (all automatic but you need to assemble your album cover in Photoshop or something) – generating a random band name, first album, and album cover. There are some amazing ‘first albums’ on his site – go see. This is mine.

i want to hear it

i want to hear it

While prepping this blog, I came across an article on how you should always follow back on Twitter, and was getting quite humpy disagreeing over it. Then he said, “You shouldn’t follow everyone, just your human followers… Twitter is rife with spammers, PR junk, and companies that follow you in the hope that you will follow them back. Don’t follow them.”

And i thought, oh, yes, exactly.


Title of this blog is from “Soldier Laddie“,  a song my (ex-Duntroon) Dad used to play at me when i was a kid. (Duntroon’s our version of West Point.)

Will ye stand in the band like a true Irish man,
For we go to fight the forces of the Crown

Irish Rebel songs, a good musical upbringing for your benevolent Aussie despot. There will be singing, and electric guitars. Sheila Bastard gets to sing lead – no other reason than she wants to.

Life’s not fair, but I’m holding the Hello Kitty Kalashnikov.

© stinginthetail.wordpress.com


About stinginthetail

On Twitter as @stinginthetail. I write as Lee Abrey. Free copy of my top-rated book Polo Shawcross: The Birthday Dragon at http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/63286 View all posts by stinginthetail

6 responses to “Will you stand in the band…

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