if anyone asks, you didn’t see me

All day, i’ve had people who profess to be extreme conservatives adding me on Twitter.  The moment they realise i’m one of those anarchist monarchists, i’m freaking doomed. And of course, they’re all armed. *looks nervous* My Hello Kitty Kalashnikov was stopped at customs – some silly rule about automatic weapons being illegal here. I’m just gutted. I had the My Little Pony Carbine lined up too.

ive got a pair of heels that go with this

i've got a pair of heels that go with this

So i’ll make this short. *looks over shoulder* omg, more… on the bright side, they seem nice folk. They’re clean.

Well, one did say he liked confronting liberals. *gulps* Not when you’re allowed guns and i’ve only got this pair of shoes, mate.

A six-inch heel with a one inch platform can do damage, sure, but it’s not like a hail of bullets. And you guys get to have hollowpoints and all kinds of fun things. Nope, i’m going down into the bunker for a few hours at least.

Well, they can’t be laughing, can they? I mean, i’m assuming they haven’t looked. Do conservatives have senses of humour? My mother does, but she’s strange.

They all belong to groups on Twitter – or at least are chatting with a # in posts, so you see a guy say ” blah blah #tcot “- which means he wants his posts to go with the group convo named Top Conservatives On Twitter. Yep. This aint Kansas, Tonto. Well, I’m not really into musicals, but on second thought, i think that’s Toto.

buy one for the Mother Teresa fan in your house!

Mother Teresa shoulder-fired rocket launcher - buy one for the MothaT fan in your house!

Anyway, the other # reference they’re all using is #hhrs – which i gather is a radio show – and the producer is following me, which for a moment, i thought, cool!

And then i thought, hmm – who is Hugh Hewitt and what does he do on his Radio Show? Does he deconstruct anarchist monarchism? *cries* Noooooo…. wiki says “Hugh Hewitt (born February 22, 1956) is an American radio talk show host and author. An outspoken socially conservative, evangelical Christian, he comments on society, politics, and his perception of media bias in the United States.”

I knew coming out as Queen of Darkness was a bad move, but the voices outside my head insisted. (Outside my head = listen, inside my head = mostly ignore.) The thing is, everyone who goes on my Twitter list should collect their badge,  and i’m not sure my latest Tweeple will appreciate it.

my Twitter Followers' badge design

my Twitter Followers' badge design

Didn’t they read the post where i scored so high on the Progressive meter i proved i really am an anarchist monarchist? Anyway, all my liberal friends are useless, none of them are armed. World domination, not that easy when you don’t have your My Little Pony carbine warming in your hot little hand.

Excuse me, i need to go make an apple pie.

N.B. this post’s attracting mother and baby spam mail… *scrolls back* omg, is it the mention of Hello Kitty™ and My Little Pony™? Oh – wait, it’s where i said my mother was a conservative with a sense of humour.Yes, that’s right, just discount all the Queen of Darkness-Antichrist stuff, and send me mother and baby spam. *shakes head* Why does nobody take me seriously?

© stinginthetail.wordpress.com


About stinginthetail

On Twitter as @stinginthetail. I write as Lee Abrey. Free copy of my top-rated book Polo Shawcross: The Birthday Dragon at http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/63286 View all posts by stinginthetail

3 responses to “if anyone asks, you didn’t see me

  • ComradeCanadia

    Excellent rant! However, I must confess some confusion. What do you mean by an anarchist monarchist? Your politics intrigue me! I understand anarchism to be a political stance that denies the necessity of sovereign leaders, while a monarchist argues for the divine right of sovereign leaders. Is there a post you’ve made which explains your politics?

    • stinginthetail

      thanks for the compliment. Teach me not to link backwards, lol – this is mostly tongue in cheek, you did get that part? (Just in case the feds think i really am trying to import automatic weapons or start an armed insurrection.)

      Anarchist Monarchist is my own invention – means i get to be queen, and you lot can do what you like. As i pointed out, i can only personally boss a few at once, (and i don’t run fast) – so me being queen shouldn’t bother most of you, even if i get a pony.

      I did however do the How Progressive are You? quiz according to my own actual beliefs, and i scored rather leftish.

      More details here at I’m so sorry, you’re on the Blog of Doom which explains how i got the nick Queen of Darkness, and why i’m into Zen and the Art of World Domination here in Natural Born Killers.

      Oh – and how i got nicknamed Sheila Bastard is here at Sorry, was i making you Dizzy?

  • Saved by the Amish « Sting in the Tail

    […] i gave you badges. I taught you how to kill armed only with a pair of high heels. So i was blasphemous (probably) by […]

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