Strange searches you folk use… “argh kill me” brought you to my site, eh? I’m not sure whether to be flattered. *walks too close to a child and watches as it self-combusts* oops.
Seriously, your last chance? If i can’t make you laugh, you’re doomed? Jeez, that’s a heavy responsibility. Had you considered therapy instead? I mean, yes, i make jokes, but what happens if you don’t happen to think say, that three is funny? (Mel Brooks says so.)
I can barely work my own blog, and you come here hoping for redemption? Or are you hoping for a quick end? *hones the Gleaming Instruments of Death* I’ve got some time this morning?
That’s it, people are coming here to die... like elephants. I thought you were laughing, but there’s a pile of virtual bones just outside, where the web-vultures have been through your carcasses. I had no idea! It must be the dangerous mould in the house, it’s in the blog. It’s toxic, you know – try living with it.
Maybe that’s a way to get the owner of the house back for the mould – i could just send a link, say casually, hey, have a laugh on me. And then i could gloat, as they come in, look around, and drop dead.
Welcome, I’d say, in my best Queen of Darkness voice, (don’t you have one?), to the Blog of Doom! *sound of cackling* I’d add, that this is what happens, when you don’t look after your tenants, despite them being nice people who always pay their rent on time.
Queen of Darkness? Oh – another nickname like Sheila Bastard. It’s one i gave myself – quite by accident. I was saying that so many who profess to be on the side of Light are bitter bigots.
If that’s Light, i said, I’m the Queen of Darkness. Next thing i knew, the boys in the band were calling me Your Majesty and, when they wanted to be annoying, Queenie. *shudders* So i wrote a song about it.
Anyway, if this blog kills you, I can’t take any responsibility – it’s the landlord and the owner’s fault, you see. Oh – and that’s not me admitting to being the Antichrist there. Just in case someone tries to pin that on me. I am not the Antichrist. *phoomph sound as a budgie who gave me a dirty look explodes*
Well, i may be the Antichrist, (all unwitting over my own Fate), but the world domination thing is purely for my own pleasure, it’s not because Dad told me to. Honest.
Hmm – but of course, the Antichrist would lie to you. Are you still alive? Well there’s your proof. *brushes the ashes of the budgie under the couch*