what do you mean, you left out the stove?

I’ve been looking at rental houses – oh joy. Yeah, it’s quite funny, in a freaky kind of Lifestyle channel trainwreck decorators way.

My ex is an architect, i worked with him for 15 years, i’m interested in architecture, planning, project management, and interiors, but i’d think twice about designing my own house. I’d get the professional, the ex, to do a design. He’s excellent at the ‘tell me what you want, i’ll design a place to suit’ brief.

However, i’m obviously way too cautious, lol. God may be in the details when it comes to architecture, but i think he often runs out of money and has to bodge the build. Why else would you have a 6 bedroom, 4 bathroom house, 3 living areas, kitchen, pool, and oops… no parking. Not even a concrete pad.

Or the house in  a very hilly area, the house on one hilltop, and out across the back lawn, which is a valley, you climb down, then up, to the very back of the garden… where the clothesline is. lmfao.

The people one sees making awful mistakes (like the couple on the Sara Beeney renovation show who ended up with a 4 feet long garage), seem to be the norm. I saw a beauty where they’d obviously decided to put new cupboards in the kitchen, then realised they would block a window, so they put the cupboards up higher – so high, you needed a stepladder to get at any of them.

Charge into a project, sure nobody can tell you anything, and yes, you will end up with rooms like this.

oops, we left off the kitchen, quick, shove it there

oops, we left off the kitchen, quick, shove it there

Note how the cupboards can’t open next to the stove, (and it’s got a faulty door, which is hanging open to take up even more space), and it’s going to get very warm if you’re standing at the sink with the oven on. Oops, don’t knock a pot with your elbow. Your fridge will need to be slimline.Very slimline.

We’re not fussy, seriously, the current place has mould, and leaks when it rains. But that kitchen’s a mistake, not a workspace. It’s the decorating equivalent of the dickhead on Idol who won’t believe anyone when they say, but you’re no singer. This is no kitchen.

Or how about this – many landlords hoard furniture, then try to rent a place more expensively as ‘furnished’. Well, call me crazy, but this looks more like him getting cheap storage at the tenant’s expense.

You’re not hallucinating – the giant red couch is IN the kitchen.  There’s another pic where it shows how the arm of the couch is handy for when you lose your balance while washing up – it’s right there – and looking as grubby as a couch within a few feet of a kitchen sink and a stove can.

This is a classic “Furnished spacious 2 bedroom unit” – well, it was spacious.

403788534cl1235463745Turn sideways as you enter the room, watch your knees.

Another one – the bunks are breeding -and yes, being rented furnished, you have to store these somehow, lol.

In the same three bedroom apartment, a kitchen that’s quite tacky, and the tiling’s awful….

But wait… what’s that in the floor, near the sink?

You guessed it, for when you want to hose out the kitchen! It’s a drain hole in the middle of the floor. Classy. This place is not a bottom of the market place.

then, to set it all off, they try to impress with the bathroom…

Yes, i think it shows up quite nicely – i haven’t distorted that pic at all – but someone did, lol. It’s been stretched to make it look less pokey.

My absolute hate at the moment are the words  “owner has use of garage” – like people who rent don’t need to put tools or cars anywhere. The dreaded tatty furniture stockpiling continues.

All pics are from realestate.com.au which is actually a good site – because if you see them in this kind of detail, you don’t waste your time and theirs doing a viewing.


About stinginthetail

On Twitter as @stinginthetail. I write as Lee Abrey. Free copy of my top-rated book Polo Shawcross: The Birthday Dragon at http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/63286 View all posts by stinginthetail

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